Definition of ally - a person or organization that cooperates with or helps another in a particular activity.
This is what I know after this summer: I can't be an ally. This was a tough realization for me. At least, I can't be an ally to Black people. It doesn't make sense. They are not the ones holding up the power of White supremacy. They have to constantly navigate the barriers erected by White supremacy, and, yes, since they swim in the same water as I do, there are members of the Black community who do things that may help White supremacy. But, that's not the point. If there is a problem (and there is), White people are the problem or at the very least have the greatest opportunity to benefit from White supremacy. White people therefore is the group that needs allies. It is time for my community to look at itself, help me look at me, and stop pointing fingers everywhere else. If members of the Black community decide to cooperate with me and help me and my white community in that journey, I welcome their allyship. After I made this connection, I found this quote from Roxane Gay in her article for Marie Claire, “On Making Black Lives Matter.” In it, she notes: Black people do not need allies. We need people to stand up and take on the problems borne of oppression as their own, without remove or distance. We need people to do this even if they cannot fully understand what it’s like to be oppressed for their race or ethnicity, gender, sexuality, ability, class, religion, or other marker of identity. We need people to use common sense to figure out how to participate in social justice. In case you are wondering, yes, I did feel pretty cocky when I saw that Roxane Gay would agree with me on this point, if she had a clue that I existed. Hero worship is a real thing. PS. If you still like the term ally, here is a more useful working definition than I offered at first. Allyship: Allyship is an active, consistent, and arduous practice of unlearning and re-evaluating in which a person holding systemic power seeks to end oppressions in solidarity with a group of people who are systemically disempowered. Via guidetoallyship.com
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About fifteen years ago, a black friend of mine asked me, "Don't white people talk about being white?" I think that my answer of "no" was as surprising to her as the fact that the question had never occurred to me was surprising to me. Over the years, this question has followed me around.
This fall I had a hiatus from work in order to enjoy a three month sabbatical. While I was on sabbatical I volunteered at the Virginia Center for Inclusive Communities (VCIC). I attended some of their workshops, facilitated a couple of breakout sessions, and got a peek into the inner workings of the organization. And, of course, like any good volunteer, I happily stuffed a few envelopes. Aside from taking part in the day to day of the workings of VCIC, I caught up on some reading that I kept meaning to do. No one read is perfect explanation or a perfect analysis of race in America. But here are some that I found thought provoking. With the end of the summer at my back, I started with Born a Crime by Trevor Noah. Yes, he is from South Africa and in his narrative he reflects the racial divides that also exist in America. Then I went for a classic: Why are all the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? by Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum. I had given this book a glance a year or two ago and put it down. I am glad I picked it up again. The book highlights, among other things, the conflicting messages students of color, in particular, get around race and identity. I will reread. Over the years, one of the topics that has gone in and out of focus for me is white racial identity formation. Some days I see clearly how race fits in my life, and other days I am overwhelmed by how little I understand anything about the racial dynamics in the US. I found some good groundwork with two books. I first read White Fragility by Dr. Robin DiAngelo. This one I may need to read again. It is relatively short and packs a punch. If I had read it even five years ago, I probably would have kept saying "yes, but" in my head instead of allowing the thesis its own space. Then I dove into Waking up White by Debby Irving. It was helpful to read both of these books in part because these two authors come from the two ends of the economic spectrum in America and both of them are white people writing about what it means to be white.
It all started with a Facebook promotion of a site that two of my friends "liked". This online free series of lectures called the Healing Trauma Summit were just what I needed, I thought. I listened to almost all of the speakers. I was inspired by Edith Eger and many of the others. I came out with some books and websites that I want to explore. I also identified a few lessons that I want to learn such as "turn your should's to could's and your have to's to get to's"; and pondered rhetorical questions such as "Would you like to be married to yourself?". Ummm, that would be 'no'.
It was a talk by Dawson Church about EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) that started my newest addiction. This technique asks you to connect your negative thoughts, feeling, pain to your vagus nerve by giving a specific scenario a title and tapping in key spots on your body. (See above video or Dawson Church's website for a more complete explanation and demonstration.) In the past week, I have tapped away a back ache and most of a throbbing headache. If you catch me in a corner tapping my face and mumbling to myself, know that I have recently given a title to my newest biggest-little worry. Try it. Everyone else is doing it. Today I heard on the radio that Natalie Babbitt, author of Tuck Everlasting, had died. I did not know she was still alive, yet I was sad for what might have been. Does this happen to you? I don't necessarily imagine the authors of my books as alive. (Maybe I did with the Harry Potter series, but how often does the author rise so fast and maintain a stardom like JK Rowling?) Then again, I don't necessarily imagine the authors as dead either. It is more that they are ageless like the characters in their books. NOTE: As soon as I learned about Natalie Babbitt, I rushed to the Google and was reassured to find out Katherine Patterson is still around, complete with Website and Facebook page to prove it!
But there it is. Authors, artists, actors, musicians, all of them, do age. And when they die, I am invariably taken back to our first introduction. Such a one-sided introduction it was, too. All my outpouring of emotion and trust. A relationship where I know them better than anyone else in my acquaintance. First, in the case of authors, they own my attention as I imbibe the words off the page. And then they show up at the strangest moments as I meander through life. Inexplicably, I know that they somehow know me since the characters are so often a reflection of my true self. Oh dear, did you think they were talking about you? Like so many people in my life, their death makes me wonder why I did not spend more time on our relationship when I had the chance. Good thing I can still find them hidden in the pages of their book, on the surface of their canvas, or in the lyrics of their song. Just like their characters, they can remain the age they were on their last page, brushstroke, or note. Everlasting. P.S. A short, very incomplete list of some people who surprised me by both being alive in my lifetime and by dying without saying goodbye. Knowing that I shared the earth at the same time that they were around has given me the reassurance of being part of something bigger than me: Natalie Babbitt 1932-2016 Maya Angelou 1928-2014 Gabriel Garcia Marquez 1927-2014 Pablo Picasso 1881-1973 This weekend I tried to imagine myself as a character in a novel.
WARNING: Unless you have an over-inflated or, at a minimum, a very healthy sense of self, don’t try this exercise at home. Why? Watch and learn. As my sister-in-law pointed out, we are now middle-aged. (Thanks, M.) I don’t mind my age, it is just the term middle-aged that weighs me down maybe because it reminds me of bleak descriptions from sixth grade history class of the time period bearing a remarkably similar name. That’s where my character sketch started, and it went something like this: White, middle aged woman, breadwinner, mother and wife. Dressed in sensible, though expensive, shoes and sensible clothes of a more economical variety. Overweight, having not regularly exercised in 20 years, which she is quick to point out are the same number of years as she’s been married. Read whatever you’d like into that coincidence of fact. Since we compress the memories of the past, her younger years are remembered with great fondness. Adventure and travel filled, with a sense of wonder and fearlessness. Childhood teasings and awkward teenage years now only a blur. Carefully edited memories stand in stark contrast with the now endless monotony of adulthood. Past dreams of making world peace a reality discouraged daily by reading news feeds and the inertia of inaction. She remembers reading about such characters when she was younger, solemnly swearing never to go down that path herself. Oh, did your eyes start drooping? Sorry about that. It would keep going, but the author just told me that the publisher has put a hold on the project. Footnote: Maybe next weekend I'll be a more positive protagonist. FYI: It is very cathartic to write about oneself in the third person. In an attempt to lure patrons to look beyond the new books and movies, our local library displays books by theme at the end of each row of shelves. Come to think of it, I have yet to enter a library that does not employ this strategy in one form or another. Last week, I was particularly pleased when I saw this display which had the heading "Catch Up on Your Classics." Classics are good which is usually why they get stamped with the category of classic, and they chose a nice selection of titles. So what? I am sure you are already wondering why they included one title and not some other. The librarians did not think that the plastic doohickeys (that's the official name for those things, go ahead, look it up) that they had on the end of the shelves sufficed. First they squeezed two books into each. Then they continued piling books onto a stool. I am quite certain that if it weren't a tripping hazard and against fire code, they would have had the pile flow onto the floor. By resorting to the overflow stool, the display said more than simply, "Hey, check out these titles, too." It whispered softly and urgently, "Surround yourself with piles of books, a classic way to happiness." This week, after writing my forty-seventh and final recommendation letter for the fall, I indulged in the written word of others and devoured three books. This time I turned to non-fiction since writing letters of recommendation borders on fiction, and I needed a respite. Book One For students and teachers alike: How We Learn: The Surprising Truth about When, Where, and Why it Happens by Benedict Cary. Actually, who cares if you are currently a student or a teacher, just read it. Here are just a few of the ideas along with the corresponding research that Cary presented: some fallacies behind the value of routine in learning, the good that can come with well-placed distractions, sleep -- when it is best to sleep in and when best to wake early for maximum results--, the importance of being wrong and what you can learn from it. Book Two
The Late Starters Orchestra by Ari L. Goodman a journalist, college professor's journey as he reconnects with his cello, Bill. This is a story of relationships with with family, with teachers, with music, and with oneself. It also about the power of starting something today even if you fear you will never be "good enough". Good story about the value of amateurism, learning, doing and community. Book Three Excellent Sheep: The Miseducation of the American Elite & The Way to a Meaningful Life by William Deresiewicz. The most selective undergraduate institutions in America are not a meritocracy. (I know, surprise, right?) This book repeated a lot of material I have read elsewhere with the added benefit of it being all in one place. Then again, I keep up on the college admissions world, and perhaps for others this would be new terrain. Deresiewicz makes a case for liberal arts education (good) although he was a little too self-congratulatory (annoying). Not sure I'd want him as a colleague, but there was material worth pondering and a good starting point for discourse. "Statiscally speaking no one goes to Harvard" a reminder that even without graduating from Harvard most people go on to have happy and productive lives after attending any number of fine institutions where they (gasp) were afforded excellent educations. According to Deresiewicz, some graduates of places like Harvard/Yale/Princeton, etc. have a hard time believing that there are other places that are preparing students as well or better than Harvard etc. That's the tip of the iceberg on the elitism part. Then the whole book was the elitism part since here was an Ivy League grad, teaching at an Ivy League, examining his own belly button, so to speak. Can't fault him for not writing what he knows. Spoiler alert: now comes the part where I digress. Part of me really enjoyed this book because I have been waiting for high school students of today to join forces and go on strike. Go on strike against the over testing and endless round of visible and invisible hoops that they are supposed to jump through. This is not entirely Deresiewicz's thesis, but his book could become an inspiration for such a movement, if students were so inclined. I would love a good groundswell of student disgruntlement. Ah, hope springs eternal. I was just about to bad mouth summer reading. Not because I don't think it is bad to read in the summer. Reading any time is a good thing. I was wondering about assigned summer reading and how much it actually helps. I found an article supporting reading in the summer. I'll bite my tongue. However, do the projects that go along with summer reading make kids want to read more or just make reading seem like uninviting work? I consider myself lucky in that I grew up in a time before schools invented summer reading projects. I have spent some of my happiest hours with a book in hand. I may need to modify that to say most of my happiest hours. My life is pretty good, I just really like reading. I do not need an assignment to make me read. I read. This summer I was assigned some summer reading. Luckily, I don't have to turn in a book report or a picture or poster or brochure or whatever it is they make students do these days. The book in question is Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph. D. I have been reading it out of order, picking it up and starting on whatever page the book opens to. One particular moment is sticking in my brain today. More than half of our society belongs to a negatively stereotyped group. First you have all the women, and then you have all the other groups who are not supposed to be good at something of other. Give them the gift of the growth mindset...Even when the negative label comes along, they'll remain in charge of their learning. More than half of society belongs to a negatively stereotyped group, and yet those of us both in and out of those groups help to perpetuate the stereotypes. That's what I am thinking about today.
Input: I have never taken a marketing class, and I only took one Economics* class in college.
Output: I am easily impressed by information that explains how the market supposedly works. I put that out there because while I enjoyed reading Contagious, I recognize that my credentials may be suspect as an evaluator. I will spare you my ignorance and keep this entry short. As the title states the book is about why things catch on and why other things don't. That's what it sets out to do, and does so in an engaging manner. The parts that stuck in my mind were the explanations about failed campaigns. I especially enjoyed the section discussing the "Just Say No" to drugs campaign, how it didn't work, and may have actually helped to normalize drug use. I don't know why I derive a certain kind of malicious delight from such anecdotes. *I took Econ 101 and got an A. This is the only class I have ever taken where I managed to get an A without understanding the material. I think I managed to do well because I was able to do the math the course required from me. I am not sure why it never made sense. Still an experience that has me shaking my head from time to time. I heard Sue Monk Kidd interviewed on the Kojo Nnamdi Show. Luckily my library had her new book The Invention of Wings so I got to jump from the impressions from the interview right into the novel. The novel is built around the story of Sarah and Angelina Grimké but also builds space for the voice of Sarah's slave, Hetty "Handful" Grimké. The story is well crafted, ends with a fairy tale ending of what we wish had happened. Monk keeps the essence the history while weaving in conversations and possibilities. Most powerful for me was the story behind the story in the author's note where she calls attention to Judy Chicago's** assertion that "women's achievements [have] been repeatedly erased through history." I grew up around tales of the abolitionist movement and never heard of these sisters who were both early female abolitionists and feminists. They were well known in their time. They were left out in the retelling of history. If our girls and women need models to follow, research show us that the greater the number of role models exists the more likely girls will choose certain paths*, we need representation of all of our different selves represented in our history.. *I can't find the study, but I read one where there are greater number of female engineers there were greater numbers of girls who were interested in science and math and not just daughters of the engineers. Also in one of Malcolm Gladwell's books, I think it was The Tipping Point, he writes about when a certain percentage of college graduates is reached in a low income neighborhood then greater school success is a correlated consequence. Role models matter. This means erasing role models has consequences. ** For even more on Judy Chicago |
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