Confession time. I am binge watching Grace and Frankie on Netflix. The show follows two families as they realign their definition of family when the two fathers, Robert and Sol, admit their twenty year love affair, divorce their wives, and get married. At one point Robert calls Sol out for reading from a bridal magazine which Sol points out was placed in the bathroom by Robert. That got me wondering if there were magazines for same sex weddings. Because if they did not exist, I knew what my business start up needed to be. I went to the google machine and typed in "are there wedding magazines for gay couples." Of course, someone had already beat me to the punch. What I did find were a set sites with delightfully touching wedding photos. For your own peek: NewNowNext links to 4 such possibilities I especially liked the photos on Equally Wed. If there lingered a doubt in my mind on whether or not legalization of same-sex marriages made the world a better place, a short perusal of the photos put that worry to rest. The multiple positive images of people in love did the trick. I am glad that someone else already jumped my business plan since I think weddings can too often be overwrought and overly staged affairs. This attitude would probably hurt my chances for success if I were to delve into that line of work. I have never been so relieved that someone stole my idea nor so happy to stumble upon it. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get back to my show.
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After 9/11 I saw our laws change, I had a vague feeling that we were giving away our freedoms and that things were going to get worse before they go better. I am not a great student of history, but if I were, this sense of unease might have been even stronger. Only a month or so after 9/11, I asked my husband to apply for his American citizenship. I was afraid. I was afraid that someone could plant drugs in his car and that he could be deported, for example. I wasn't paralyzed afraid, but I had several vivid scenarios plotted out where things could go terribly wrong, and emerging ideas of what I would do if... He got his citizenship a few years later - the immigration system in the US is not known for its speed and, luckily, we were not in a huge rush. He was sworn in by the Jefferson Memorial. It was a good day. My father took the train to DC to be a part of the day with us. My husband was proud. He has always been impressed by the rule of law in this country and the relative lack of corruption. Now he could claim it as his own. Meanwhile, I invented new fears. Without a green card, his only ID would be his driver's license. I made a copy of his passport and put them in the car glove-box. New fears and worries emerged of an overzealous police officer confronting my husband whose English might not be a match for high stress moment. Not too far fetched. I live near a town where the Minute-Men, a self-appointed anti-immigrant vigilante group gets to march in the 4th of July Parade. In our town the KKK left a pamphlet on our front steps inviting us to join. I guess they had not seen my husband. Anyway, background fears that I carried around seemed more reasonable on some days than others. This last month the fears have started to resurface. You see, my husband was planning to take a train ride into northern Virginia and then onto DC. Now, I generally like trains. I think they are a good mode of transportation. However, trains are also public spaces. As a woman, I know first hand that public spaces are not always safe but usually I am not worried about the police in those spaces. Hearing about ICE pulling people off of buses, reminded me again about the danger of public spaces. I assume ICE pulled of the brown skinned people. Let's call it a hunch. When my husband decided to cancel his trip, I was relieved. Then angry and then relieved again. Relieved that I would not have to worry. Angry that I had been worried and angry that I was in a situation that a cancelled trip caused me such relief. When policy makes the lives of everyone more dangerous than it was before the policy, the policy is bad. The current so-called zero tolerance policy makes life more precarious for citizens of this country, too. That's bad policy. |
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